Sitting with

Someone in Pain

Let Their Story Be the Story

Someone else’s pain may remind you of your own. That is a human response, but sharing your experience too soon can shift the conversation away from the person who needs care.

Even when your experiences sound similar, their loss belongs to them. Give them room to tell you what it has been like.

Meet Them in Their Confusion

That same posture helps us remain present when someone cannot make sense of what has happened. Listen before you correct or reframe. A grieving person may need your presence before they are ready for an answer.

Name What You Are Seeing

Tears are not the only sign of grief. Someone may feel numb or unable to process what has happened. Telling them what they should feel can add shame and make them wonder whether something is wrong with them.

Name what you notice and stay curious. Let the person’s response tell you what they are experiencing.

Truth Still Needs the Right Moment

Christian hope can be sincere and true while still being poorly timed. Statements such as “At least they’re in heaven” may try to relieve pain before the grieving person has felt heard.

You can offer hope without treating grief as something they should be over.

You do not have to understand every part of someone’s pain. You can say that plainly, care about what they are carrying, and remain with them in it.